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05 October 2014 @ 10:57 pm
life breaks you down then builds you back up  
In late July, my sister moved in with us after being away from home for years--very long story. We've always had a tenuous relationship and I had my reservations at first, but things have been getting better lately. Sometimes it's hard to open your heart to someone, especially when the past is littered with pain, but it's worth the effort. Friday, we stalked through Hobby Lobby, commenting on things as we passed and laughed a lot. We're still as different as the night is to the day, but it's nice to share little moments like that. Little, seemingly insignificant moments that mean a lot once they're over. It's hard to explain in words, so I hope writing it here helps me to at least remember it. Not the words that were spoken but the warmth it produced. I've never really felt close to her so it's kind of strange to feel closeness now that we're adults.

Today, we went to visit my grandpa at the nursing home like we do every Sunday. His alzheimer's has only grown worse over time and he makes little sense these days. I've almost become numb to it, but every once in a while, my grandpa breaks through it. Today was one of those days. It was very nice out today (there was a cold front last night so it brought the temperature down to 72 degrees), so we decided to take him for a walk outside. We ended up sitting outside for a while and he held my grandma's hand. It was very sweet to see and it reminded me of the way he once was. He seemed very pleased to see us today, he even used my name without prompting (he told me to sit beside him once we got inside). My grandparents didn't have a perfect marriage and they've argued a lot in recent years, but the love is still there. It's kind of beautiful.

It's these seemingly random things that bring my heart peace. They are the things that give me hope. That things can be better. That I can be better. Not quite there yet but at least there's forward motion.
 
 
feeling: calmcalm